So, after being stuck in literally every part of the state during these past two weeks, I have come across milestone after milestone. As I have a myriad of times before in my short life, I have found that I have made it through yet another seemingly impassible well of sorrow and hardship. For the first time in years, I began using art as a sanctuary again, and have found comfort beyond any consolidation. It certainly seems to me that I have been asleep in many ways-I hadn't lost the ability to simply draw or write whatever I wish to-it had simply been dormant. What bothers me is my utter lack of understanding as to how or why; but, sometimes I suppose I must be sated without all the answers instantaneously.

My physical pain has increased dramatically, especially with the two-month cessation of methadone-but I am happier with myself without it, as I realize I have a huge fucking problem with pain, which means I have a considerably larger problem with painkillers. I'm finally starting to really, REALLY suffer the repercussions of my necessary use, but for now I have to make an unfortunate compromise. The nausea I experience is also magnified intensely-on the Greyhound from Oakland (much to poor Gary's horror), I became uncontrollably ill, and vomited blood and food and other puke pals on an electric blanket Aja had given me hours before. I vomited again in my hands. This is unfortunately only the most recent experience; I even spent the majority of my "vacation" without the ability to do anything at all...
Luckily, I still got to see Amebix play in the bay, which is all I could have asked to in my darkest hour. Hahah. I can at least go forth feeling like I can die having served my purpose. It was that badass.

So, aside from all the bullshit, Keith from Hellshock asked me to do some artwork for them. I know I said that in a casual sentence, but I have literally been on the brink of soiling my undies in excitement, drawing non-stop, and using that as motivation to stop loathing myself so much. Wow. I need to go and flap my hands around spasmodically for about a half hour.

"In darkness there is no hope"...!